This has been a challenging post that, honestly, I didn’t know how to approach. My blog is read by very few so I don’t know what the concern was but there is something about posting on the internet that makes it seem so monumental. I haven’t posted in a while so I could just start anew and not mention anything but when I saw this quote, I thought that it had to be my beginning.
38 years ago, the life I had planned was very different than the one I am in now. I was married to a wonderful man and couldn’t wait to be a wife and mom. Oh, I would do it right. I would always explain to my children whenever I disagreed and they would be great kids and very respectful. My husband adored me and I him and we would always laugh and enjoy the simple things in life. Well, I was right on one account. I have great kids! But I no longer have my husband. He passed at the end of December and I guess I am still trying to see where I fit in. I had resigned my job with hopes of a better job where my boss is not a moron and be with Jim as he improved and got to come home. Well, bless his heart, he was in the hospital from September 1 until December 27 and only got to come home for two days.
I have stayed really busy and checked off a lot of my “to do” list that has been hanging over my shoulders. Getting my mom’s house ready to put on the market has really helped me purge “junk” from my own house. Do you know I found a drawer that had unused credit cards from 2004? Gasp.
Mom always scolded me that I couldn’t just keep my head in the sand forever but I disagree. I don’t hold grudges and I don’t dislike most people (it can be done but not easily) and I don’t like sad things so I refuse to think about them. If it works for me, can’t I exist this way? Will one day my head explode with all of the hurtful, awful, sad things that I pushed to the far corners of my mind or will I be allowed to live in my little world? Will thinking there is good in everyone and for those that aren’t, that “what goes around, comes around” keep me from living a happy life? You can tell me but I’ll probably ignore you because that’s what I have to do. But I would pretend I was listening. . .
So how am I filling up my days. I have spent time with family, spent a lot of time cleaning out a huge house (Mom’s), cleaned closets and drawers that have been neglected far too long. I have watched 28 videos out of a total of 124 in my quest to learn Adobe Illustrator. I have completed the last two years income taxes, painted the coffee table, cleaned out the gutters and installed a new ice-maker. I have started a new quilt and have ideas for many more and gone through some crazy cleaning sprees.
If the good Lord is willing, I know I’ll be okay but it will be different.